How do you stop a baby from crying? You drown it.
Shower thoughts
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have it's perks.... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park? He kept cutting in line.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs? The 2028 US election.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD
I pushed a kid on a wheelchair into the school fire and said "hot wheels"
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration. They called the song “Helen Keller
At what point does a joke become a dad joke? When it disappears and never returns home
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein? A high school pill party.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Cause they shoot the ones that go to school
When Covid spreads through food but you realized you live in Africa.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?” Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers and he took away my queen.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.