What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Shower thoughts
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you? Your virginity
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common? They both like keeping one sock for themselves
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
I told my brother If he wanted to have a Wonderful first day of school then he should put cook book in the women’s sports section at the school library.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.