What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Shower thoughts
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zipper from a mile away
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”