Sad Sarah

Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn’t solve inequalities.

Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.

Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

A toaster.

What is the favorite game of an emo?

Hangman.

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle.