Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
DAD JOKE
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Unfortunately, many soles were lost.