What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
GG Miller
@ggmiller
If you're feeling depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
DAD JOKE
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?
Bored games.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.