Amaurotic Idiocy

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?

A. The Jello has a higher IQ.

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

Trump should be grateful for DEI.

How else could a mentally handicapped person be elected President?

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.