Worst Jokes Ever
A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
I slit my wrists.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
What do you call a pineapple? P.P.A.P. LOLLLLOLOLOLLOL9LOOLKOK.
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
What do you call roller skates you can walk in?
"Wock n' roll."
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What is white and comes out after you have sex?
Cum!
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
Why did the Titanic sink? It loved the iceberg!
My dads just like my eggs... runny. 🤣😭🥺
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.
You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.
Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"
You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?
Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.
What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky.