Worst Jokes Ever

Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?

Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.

Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.

Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Kid: Not your parents.

Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.

When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.

Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time?

Because he can’t stand up for himself.

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?

Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

Two muffins are in an oven.

One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"

The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?

The Stigg.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.