Worst Jokes Ever
Hi, welcome to Mario's pizzeria/abortion clinic.
Where no fetus can beat us, and your loss is our sauce.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
At least he always has a shoulder to cry on.
Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"
Not Stephen Hawking.
What's another nickname for a flat emo?
A copping boars.
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?
Carlos.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite football anthem?
You'll Never Walk Alone.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."