If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Worst Jokes Ever
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?
I don't know, you tell me.
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
A: Do you eat food?
B: Yes...
A: You can sit on deez nuts then!
B: Omg I have depression now.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
"Who am I? Why am I typing?"
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol
Why can't an orphan have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
