Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"
Worst Jokes Ever
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
They say people are 75% water.
But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.
So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?
That don't make no cents.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
The terrorists got a killstreak of 2,996; they are popping off, bro.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back with the milk!
What does a stray cat/dog have in common?
Both of them don't have a home!
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
Like if you are emo.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a monster truck she turned it into a lowrider.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
Like if you are gay.
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
