Yours jokes
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
What is your address?
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
Why did I trip over your foot?
Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!
Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Your mom.
Your dad!
I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"