I just got off the phone with kristen stewart yesterday she said I was invited to her cookout this Friday i said I'll come by and bring some drinks like wine beer and liquor so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Yesterday I had a party. I got questioned about 5 dead kids died up locked in a box. I did that when I was 13 damn I forgot about them
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(havent uploaded yesterday cuz couldnt think of a joke)
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
my friend committed suicide yesterday...at least he went out with a bang
yesterday i tickled my granddaughters feet she is being born in 2 months
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday God being a sniper is so fun
My wife left me yesterday. I haven't Talked to the kids in a year
I was talking to a muslem yesterday, And he asked me what it's like to be blind. I happened to tell him about 20 jokes, in fact I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It 's not like I need the damn things anyway.
One time there was a happy lil girl then one day her teacher asked how many legs and arms do a pineapple have she said girl: You know those pokey things on it thats how many Teacher says: Thats dumb they have zero. then the next day the girl set a fire in her house and then she burned her legs and arms then she survived went to school then the teacher said i heard your house went on fire and btw you know you don ́t have no arms or legs right the girl said OK then the question the teacher asked yesterday asked the girl again she said what do u call a girl with no legs or arms? the teacher said ANSWER MY QUESTION the girl said OK OK the girl said 13 the teacher said PINEAPPLES DO NOT EVEN HAVE LEGS Then the teacher had to calm down then the teacher said to the girl ask a question whatever u want then the girl said ok and im sorry teacher teacher said its ok i need a break the girl said what do u call a girl without legs or arms someone from the class her name was nia she said a worm she said NO!!! the teacher said CALM DOWN JUST TELL US WHAT the girl said OK then the girl said it.......And yall who is reading my story guess what the answer is before i tell u and btw the girls name is sunny back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE then when the teacher was calm she told her to sit down then the teacher read a story The Three Little pigs then the girl went home she got a new house then lived happily ever after
I was at a friends place yesterday, and... There was A mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep. So I looked in the brothers room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside. You guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you." I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Me: My gf broke up with me yesterday and I had her wheel chair
Me: guess who came crawling right back
blonde 1: omg! yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian! blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT also blond 2: wait, how much is a Brazilian?
All real chemists knows that alcohol is always a solution. I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.
So today is my birthday today am 13 but yesterday am going to turn 10.but am not even go to school to know the number ten becuase one time at 10 pm in the morning it was so cold in in my hot room so I want outside to drive my car to drive my car. But I stopped becuase the light turn green.i was talking a bath in the front of my car out it didn’t have bin so am taking a sh$t
