Why can't poor people write jokes?
Because they make no cents.
Writing Jokes
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
A capital E backwards is just it's mirror image.
What do you call a Panera Bread you write with?
Panera lead.
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."
