Wrist jokes

Slit your wrists.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

I slit my wrists.

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"

I walked towards him.

"I prefer slit," I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

Why did Aaron slit his wrists?

Because it's him.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉