Slit your wrists.
Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
I slit my wrists.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Why did Aaron slit his wrists?
Because it's him.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
