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Wife

Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

Baby

Daloolah

Whats worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

  • 1 dead baby in 5 garbage cans.

Depression

Anonymous

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it’s been getting worse. Recently, I’ve been advised about my condition, and how I’ve been discussing to her about being suicidal, she’s been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don’t have to worry about it later.

Baby

Joyboy

What’s worse than 3 babies in one trashcan? One baby in three trashcans.

Russian

Anonymous

Russian history in 5 words: “And then things got worse.”

Wife

Anonymous

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

Baby

He must never know

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What’s worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What is worse still? It has to eat its way out. What’s worse than that? It went back for seconds.

Doctor

Anonymous

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

Sally

Cetraflux

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What’s worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

Dad

Anonymous

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Car

Anonymous

What’s worse than locking your keyes in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

Baby

Silent

What’s worse then a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

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Baby

Anonymous

What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.

Baby

Dead baby Pile

What’s worse than a dead baby?- A pile of dead babies- whats worse than that? -The one on the bottom is alive.- And whats worst than that is, the baby has to eat it’s way out

Baby

Anonymous

What is worse to have - a dead baby or dead Santa Claus? Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

Sister

Anonymous

My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward

Baby

Anonymous

Whats worse than placing 10 babys in a trash can?

Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans…

Baby

definetlygoingtohell

What’s worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.

Pants

BaldeyLocks

Whats worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Little Johnny

The Aphabet

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, “okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet”. Johnny didn’t know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, “Mamma, what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mom doesn’t notice him standing there and says, “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now-” So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, “Tommy what’s the Second letter of the alphabet?” His brother doesn’t notice him and says, “I’m Batman”. So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, “Grandma what’s the third letter of the Alphabet?” The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!” Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, “Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?” “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now” - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I’m Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!”

Later that day he understands what happened and can’t tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

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