What was Stephen Hawking's dying words "restore factory settings"
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, "PEDOPHILE! THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD."
Girls Are Yummy Stupid
Are Really Erectable
Tasty Honey Ejaculable
Booty Everything Sucking Titties
Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
these are all of my terrible jokes
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I'll serve you but don't start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I'm joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs" the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall, I don't know. I'm asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
Dick.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
