Woke up jokes

Slept in my Rocky Horror T-shirt, woke up and seen blue skies through the tears in my eyes.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

One day I woke up and went on my phone. Some "pussy" was calling me. I answered it and said, "Hello, pussy?" and a pussy pic showed up.

Slept in my Little Shop of Horrors T-shirt, woke up and could suddenly see more.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!

Dad: Uh, okay?

Child: My wife cheated on me.

Dad: I'm a man.

Child: So I went to the bar.

Dad: I'm a man.

Child: I met a hot girl.

Dad: I'm a man.

Child: So I brought her home.

Dad: I'm a man.

Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...

Dad: I'm a man.

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃

Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."