one man walks up to another and says hey did you here about the kidnapping at main street the guy says no the other guy says oh he woke up
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
My day started out great until I woke up
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room, then my T.V. started to float out the window. I said "drop it nig-"
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp. Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
I slept like a log last night.......woke up in the fireplace
An asain went to bed at 9:00 woke up at 6 people say he still sleeping
Hey did you hear about the kidnapping?" "no." Yeah but then he woke up.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Its fine, he woke up
