One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
My wife was run over
Wife: Honey, i love you
Husband: i love you all
Wife: awwww.......... Wait WHAT ?!?!??!
Why did Stephan Hawkins and his wife stop playing hide and seek - she kept using a metal detector
Who did Stephen Hawking love more that anyone else?
His Wife, "Eye" who was also bad at running.
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
I finally got my wife to shut up.Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years ha! try telling me to get my feet off the couch now karen!
Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord
I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised
*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)
at my sample place i handed my wife a fork and i lost my job
My wife went to make a cake the recipe said separate two eggs so she put one egg in the living room
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and start having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
What do windows have in common with my wife’s legs? They’re easy to open
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
My best friend ran away with my wife I really miss him
It was an emotional wedding even the cake was in tiers{if I explain it it will ruin the joke}
