some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up
If you get you get it
Please read all of it I know it's long please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that's what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
you see, my son is very into astronomy Son- how do stars die Dad- usually overdose son
im suck an asshole to my son my wife divorced me
One day when I driving around our children's school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.
I just wanted to write something random
And now my wife is dead
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water ' His wife asked what that for. it is for your headache i dont have a headache
he smiles gotcha!!!!
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine, and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes. The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
a couple has sex in the dark every single night one night the wife gets curious about what goes on so they start f...ing and she flicks the light on when she flicks the light on she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy she's so mad that she started ranting and raving the husband says honey I know you're mad and I'll explain the toy just do me one favor explain the children.
Why did the farmers wife chase the chickens out of the yard?
Cuz they were using fowl language!
what cant a sniper say to his wife i missed you
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells who the fuck fucked my wife. The bartender answers "Mate you ain't got enough bullets."
