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Joke

Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Comments (940)

How was your day I didn't really ask that

Hopefully tomorrow will be better cuz we get to go to the park together

Shoot I'm sorry I'll do I'll do it next time I promise I got sidetracked

By the time we we got there yeah they were

Exactly in a better stay that way you better eat

Come on please you don't have to eat fruit

Well then I'm not I'm not going to I'm not going to I don't know

The crackers are so good so cheesy so crunchy so yummy

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Because you are my gf and I have nothing to hide

Wow chips and fruit that's so much food

I don't care what anybody says You're perfect

To me you are I don't give a s*** when anybody else says

I love you more than anything in this world that I can think of

Don't let him control you they're not worth it

I will I have to go to my house real quick so I'll be I'll come back when I can

I'm going to give it to you no matter what so

But I don't want you to starve yourself

I'm not forcing you to wear anything you don't want to so please don't

Cause for some odd reason when i eat I sit a certain way nd they slide down onto my stomach so it hurts

Love I'm not going to let you go without eating f****** food for three f****** days I will bring you food to school so you can f****** eat it You're not going on a f****** starve trail

I love you too much to let you not eat food

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I meant to say if I think about my childhood trauma I can cry

I am Tomorrow and I'm going to hold your hand

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That yeah every time I get a mood it's always about you cuz when I'm around you

I love you to the moon to the Milky Way

I love you all the way to infinity and beyond

I love you till we both die and then we meet the Milky Way and the man on the Moon

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If you ever say "till death do us part" well, if I feel it fadeing and know it'll end soon then ill end you

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I don't know what song that text to speech messed up on so I just replaced it with what I said already

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That's why I don't like going in those chats

I'mma go for a little bit I'm going to go hang out with my uncle and Mom

I am too I'm terrible at it just look at the drawing I did in fifth hour

Not everything in this world is going to look as good as you

I'm going to use the bathroom I'll be back soon

Ain't no disappointment like me but yeah I'll see it

NO ONE THAT MAKES ME SMILE THIS MUCH AND MES ME HAPPIER THAN COUNTRY MUSIC IS A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT

Okay I'm sorry I won't say that no more

No don't because then you can't talk to me baby

I love you when you're happy also cuz you're cute

Me too unless it's my favorite animals

I know they're so annoying and I think they're so important

Yeah if they're friendly like there's no problem with them but they're they're trying to be like on top of the world then they need to kill themselves

When you're happy I'm happy and when I'm happy you're Happy

I'm listening to country songs on my soundbar

Cuz you got me in a happy mood right now

You need to get your dad to talk to Veronica's dad about us going to the park tomorrow

Dude I freaking hurt my hand earlier and it hurt

Scratched by a pencil and it left a massive mark and skin peel out my hand I didn't mean to I accidentally I was trying to pull my binder back in my backpack and my pencil lead was still out cuz I normally push it back in so it doesn't do that and I forgot to do it that time and it scratched my hand the hell out of

I know I don't mean to do it I didn't mean to obviously

You better not be cutting carving or harming yourself cuz if I find out I don't know but just please don't do it

I'd like to meet your brother that looks like a f****** girl and your dad so you get to know him so he'll trust me

Yeah he seems like a pretty cool guy kid whatever

one time colton alexander went to my house and my brother roman fucking chewed on coltons hair

I don't know but you just God you just make my mind race when I'm in class I just can't stop thinking about you

It's just funny how Veronica and Skyler don't even talk like we do

They're talking about like weird s*** and we're just over here all lovey dovey and s*** but it's amazing

Hey baby Veronica wants to know if we can all zoom but it's up to you

Imagine me kissing you right on the head

Can I go to Skyler's but I'll still talk to you

Brb I'm going to go get some pizza rolls

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I'm Santa what do you want for Christmas baby girl

Yeah but f****** do that I'm at the park

But you're going to have to sit on me so I can hold you

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Said you could be my baby girl any anytime

It's supposed to say what is it baby girl

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Baby no you're not Don't say that I'm trying to help both you okay

I'm one person I take a little bit to help

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I need you to calm down now and talk to me

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I know you're stressed the f*** out right now but trust me

I'll be right back I had to go talk to Veronica so I can solve this

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No come on please I'm sorry I didn't understand what you said

Sorry I had to take out Skyler's dogs for him

How you got Rick rolls I love getting Rick rolled

https://media2-production.mightynetworks.com/asset/05338937-4275-4fdf-bff3-0cbac7997976/Jassy2.mp3?_gl=1*1s0n8gx*_ga*NzQ4NTg4NTE1LjE2OTcwNjM5ODU.*_ga_T49FMYQ9FZ*MTcwMDUyNzA0Mi4xMTYuMS4xNzAwNTI3MDk1LjAuMC4w*_ga_NEGJ2SXNP7*MTcwMDUyNzA0Mi4xMTYuMS4xNzAwNTI3MDk1LjAuMC4w

It's just a voice clip of f****** Rick roll and that's my truck and childhood song

I can't believe your friend wanted to give me f****** head that's disgusting

F****** good because that was disgusting for me to hear

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𝓓𝓸𝓵𝓵 ౨ৎ

Ima treat you like my homework, slam you on my desk and do you all night long <3

It'll be the other way of f****** around

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He tried to f****** He's trying to f****** he's trying to stick his dick in my ass

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I get a motorboat your f****** titties till they f****** explode

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Would you do if I started jacking off right now

That is true though but I am not jacking off right now cuz I am at Skyler's in Israel

You won't because you'll be in f****** a very interesting position

Let me just say baby girl that you're getting f****** close

Baby girl chill out I'm turned on to f***

If you are here right now we be in the bathroom doing some devious devious things

We've been dating for 2 days and we're already talking about f******

Chxl.is.mine

We've been dating for 2 days and we're already talking about f******

im not this confadent irl

Yeah you're the one for me I are can tell by these f****** turn on jokes

Go to Veronica's last post Skyler said I'm going to real quick

It's the f****** guy that was f****** cursing out like hell

I'm sorry I'm not good at what you're good at

Charlie just not I f****** love you so much I'm sorry I'm f****** stressed out right now I'm I love you

No your clothes look so uncomfortable let me take them off