Whats jokes
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Joy.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
"INNOCENT! THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE THAT THE GIRL WAS 13. It doesn't matter what texts he sent. There is no way to prove that the girl was 13, or the fact that it was a girl. Failed sting operation."
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?
A motherboard.
What has four legs and an arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.