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Whats

Whats jokes

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?

An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?

“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”

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    • What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

    “I’m gonna cashew!”