A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
What's the difference between school and Hell?
There is no difference.
What is the biggest lie ever?
"I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions."
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
What movie do orphans hate? Full House 🏠
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
