Whats jokes
What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Tea-hee-hee!
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?
The hairline is way straighter.
What do you call a family photo with an orphan?
A selfie.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A kinder surprise.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
What flour do you buy an orphan?
Self-raising flour.
What’s an orphan’s favourite movie?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
What’s an orphan’s favorite school event?
Homecoming.
What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?
Economy doesn't work.
What animal jumps the highest?
An emo kid, some of them are still up there.
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.
What's an emo's favorite food?
Shot gun ammo.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug?
Nothing.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.