Weight jokes

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 17 iPhones to take a selfie.

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Yo mama so fat, when she went to bed, the house shook.

You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.

Q: How heavy is a photon?

A: It's light!

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.