Weight jokes

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!

Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"

Yo mama so fat... she brought a spoon... to the SUPER BOOOOOOWL! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."

Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.

Yo mama so fat, even Thanos had to snap twice.

Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!

What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?

The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.