Wedding jokes
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Why can't melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
The wedding was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
Two antennas met on a roof and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."