My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every scene has a cast!
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."
We don't read backwards.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
