Warming jokes

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.

Global warming is the average of temperature on Earth.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?

Something big and warm 🍆.

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

How does a rapper stay warm in the winter?

With some HOT TRACKS!

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

They wear their ice chains.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.

Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.

Why do orphans prefer the monarchy?

Because they could feel the warm[th] of the royal family.

Why doesn't bread like warm weather?

It gets toasty!

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......

Human: :D

Sun: I want to BuRn you.........

Human: .......

Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....

Human: I should be going now.

Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!

Human: *Screams his last sound*

"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."

Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?

My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).