Vampire jokes

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

What do you call a lesbian vampire?

Cunt Dracula.

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?

A dead man with AIDS.