Use jokes
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."