United Kingdom jokes

What is the difference between Reform and Restore UK?

The Name.

Your penis is literally BLUE!

Why did Queen Elizabeth II die? She forgot to heal after all those storms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Di.

Di who?

See, easily forgotten.

Why does Britain suck at chess?

They lost their queen.

Me: So you two girls are from England?

Girls: Wales.

Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.

Why is the sun red today?

The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.

What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?

You’re breathtaking!

5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A castle weighs a ton. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The Queen of England's won! I never thought she'd get it done, but her sister is a nun.

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

Why did UK want Northern Ireland for more s***?

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

Hey, Britain, no queen? :(

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"