So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Why did the orphan dig six feet under?
To find his parents.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?.... New Yorkers, they went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
You learn something new everyday. Like the people in 9 11 are the worlds fastest readers they went through 100s in under a seconds
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Stupid Mary Jane was swinging on the swing.
Her momma said, "Stupid Mary Jane, don't swing so high, the boys will see your underwear!"
Stupid Mary Jane laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing no underwear.
What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"
When an emo asks you to hang out under a tree...
What’s under the bottom?
Your legs.
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
