Travel jokes
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Why did the fish cross the sea?
To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
Why was I angry on my plane? Because I read these stupid 9/11 jokes.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”