Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Me: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Me: Not your family.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Why were 9/11 victims so mad? The ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂
What kinda pizza did the twin towers order? Two plains
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
People in 1912: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Hold my beer.
