Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?

When it fails to turn up.

My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.

A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.

Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

If George Floyd was in the new little mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs i took plenty Now i can’t breathe

October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?

The 143rd floor.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

My guy: I have a Q-Tip.

Me: You can Q my tip.

My guy: Ayo!

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

I work at a movie studio.

Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.

The team:

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.