Worst Jokes Ever

What's common between a feminist and a knife?

They both stay in the kitchen.

Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?

Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!

What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?

They both empty their sacks around children.

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.

Do you know what you call a bunch of depressed kids?

"Suicide Squad!"

What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!

Why did the big rose say to the little rose?

"Hi, bud."

Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?

Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Dam.

Why are Americans bad at chess?

Because they lost two towers.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

Every woman will die in five seconds.

Mother: Dies.

Sister: Dies.

Girlfriend: Lives.

You: 🤬

Uhhhh...