Took Jokes

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

The image shows Spongebob in a dark and dingy hallway. Text on the image reads: "aw hell nah spunch bob. took 40 benadryls".

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:

cabbage _50

Carrots-50

Cooking fat -100

Onions_20

Tomato-20

salt-10

Total=250

She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.

McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.

His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.