Took jokes

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

"Yo mama so fat when she got buried it took them all the trees on Earth for her coffin."

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

If George Floyd was in the new little mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs i took plenty Now i can’t breathe

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."