Took jokes

One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.

Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Yo hair so big it took me weeks to find the needle in it.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

What do you call a rapper who took a dump?

Lil' Crappie.

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.