Took jokes

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.

Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Yo hair so big it took me weeks to find the needle in it.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

What do you call a rapper who took a dump?

Lil' Crappie.