Toilet jokes

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"

Because he had to take one.

The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.

Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.

Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

Poopies in my undies.

Diarrhea.

Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?

It's between cheeks at the moment.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

Skibidi toilet skibidi skibidi toilet toilet skibidi skibidi bidet lalaalallalala.

What do girls and toilet roll have in common?

They both deal with a lot of crap.