Toilet jokes
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Pooooooooooop!
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop! Hahahahhaha!
Q: Why was the potty sad?
A: Diarrhea
Poopies in my undies.
Skibidi toilet skibidi skibidi toilet toilet skibidi skibidi bidet lalaalallalala.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Toilet paper cried across the road.