They jokes
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?
So they could be wanted.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"