They jokes

Vegetarian

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

Reader

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

Orphan

Why can't orphans play rounders?

Because they don't know where home is.

Orphan

Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.

Orphan

Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?

They don't know where home plate is.

Fennec

Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?

They have the same hitbox.

Orphan

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

Criminal

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Robot

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

Press

I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

Week

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"