They jokes

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

The earth was flat until they buried your mom.

They are delicious.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

Why does Britain suck at chess?

They lost their queen.

What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?

They both have a hole in one.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

Why do orphans play tennis?

So they can finally get love.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

So they could finally call someone "daddy."

What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?

They both live long with dry skin.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?

Because they don't have them on the inside.