I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
They Jokes
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
