Thereness jokes
I was stark nude. Hehe, I was. I truly and sincerely was.
The nurses giggled and said, "Joseph, why the hell is your wiener so loving?"
My penis purred and stroked their hands. I laughed and said, "I do not know."
This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Awww, don't cry!
Memes
XX=Female XY=Male YY=Down Syndrome
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve!
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"