Thereness jokes
So if you are bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄
Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"
He replied, "There's no 'F'."
Me: "There's no family."
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your Boyfriend.
Your Boyfriend who?
Your Boyfriend who doesn’t love you! Bye!
The "F" in "orphan" stands for family, but there is no "F" in "orphan."
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
I hate family reunions. I see too many of my exes there.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house!
Knock knock?
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
The idiot chicken who just crossed the road!!!
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.