Thereness jokes
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?
Are there support groups for men?
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.