Them jokes
Q: What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
A: One of them gets picked.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
I need more webs and I need more supplies for more webs, how do I make them? With spiders!
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.